My cousin died this week. Not unexpected but still not expected. Anyone who has ever lost someone to a terminal illness lives with ambiguity and uncertainty about when, not if. When my dad was close to death last year I hesitated to make business travel plans and instead booked Florida trips to visit him on "gut feel," hoping my instinct nailed a weekend when he felt good.
This recent family event made me think of the anxiety around an impending death. Most of us are not prepared for what we need to do. It's not comfortable to ask what the dying wants for a funeral. And how often do we shop for caskets? A very recent memory of my cousin was when he and I were meeting the pastor to plan my aunt's (his mother's) memorial service and neither of us knew her favorite hymns -- or any hymns other than Easter and Christmas songs.
Authors have written about the mysteries of death. This wasn't a mystery. More a waiting game - a life lesson in Sfumato.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
What has increasingly become clear to me is that death of someone near emerges unexpectedly as the life I didn't know as well as I wish I had... and at the most unanticipated, unexpected moments.
Be good to yourself in the midst of all this...
Chris, I'm sorry to be reading this late...I would have preferred to offermy condolences in person this weekend.
I'm completley unequipped to help here. It's been more than a decade since my father died and thereby challenged me with my own mortality. I still lack the sense of perspective and comfort I seek.
I landed on the analogy of roses more than once when dealing with my own grief; the notion that a gift of roses is always remembered by the recipient in a state of full bloom rather than decay, and for us to likewise remember and be thankful for the life gift more than grieving the loss.
I found this poem that speaks to this and more for me:
WHEN THE ROSE FADES
Our seasons swiftly come and go.
We travel life's roads seeking, ever
Seeking, the sense of our purpose for being.
Like a rose's many transformations,
Growth is gained by nurturing, labor and love.
When we are a rose in full bloom,
Often, it is too late in life.
Recognition of our wondrous beauty
And celebration of life,
Strengthens and encourages each change.
When the rose fades,
What remains is a mirror of ourselves;
Growth, transformation, and greater love.
Find comfort during this transition
As you seek your life anew.
http://www.globalvelocity.net/page17.html
Chris,
I am so sorry that I missed the death of your cousin in your blogging. My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost a cousin to breast cancer a year ago two weeks before mother's day. It seems like last week.
No matter how much you think you are prepared for the loss of life, life shows you that you are not! Anyway, thanks for sharing and I hope you remember the great and funny times and honor your loved one with pictures and happy thoughts of love. I know this sounds corney, but it keeps them alive in your heart - that is important too!
Renee
Post a Comment